It makes me wonder, how would you approach your marriage differently if divorce was not an option? (with the exception of couple violence)
When doing premarital counseling I always ask the couple, when is divorce an option. It's interesting to see the reaction of one partner when the other says "I don't want it to be an option." The look on their face screams "What you talking 'bout Willis?" It's as if planning to stay married forever is a revolutionary idea. It results in them having lots of conversations in the next week about marital expectations, finding a mentor couple who have made it through really tough stuff, and finding new ways to approach their relationship - which I LOVE. This is especially true of couples where one or both are children of divorce.
Divorce has been normalized in our society and is an option if things aren't working. No-fault divorces are available in 49 states - all except New York. It's definitely not an easy option, but knowing that divorce is a possibility has an effect on how you think about your relationship problems and their solutions.
So I ask: If divorce is not an option, how does that change things?
Thanks for your thought provoking and relevant question. Would couples dig deeper with everything they have to find their love and reconnect again - if divorce not an option?
ReplyDeleteIn a way, previous generations lived in a similar way, where divorce was less of an "option." But there were major differences in gender equality, role expectations, etc - I wonder if there were any marital satisfaction studies then to assess how happy couples were believing there wasn't much of a choice...
I also wonder how the divorce rate would be impacted if all couples got some kind of premarital education.
On another note - I love your sense of humor. I chuckled aloud at the, "What you talkin' about Willis?" comment. You and I clearly grew up on one of the same t.v. shows.
Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT
Great thoughts Lisa.
ReplyDeleteA no-divorce option would definitely have a different flavor today due to the changes in gender equality, roles etc. Also, because it would be a conscious choice made at the beginning of the relationship and not simply a societal expectation.
I'm a big fan of premarital education/counseling. If only we could convince engaged couples that it is not a sign of relationship trouble, but rather an invaluable investment in their future. *Sigh*